Monday, November 17, 2014

on returning

of course, i'm writing the typical entry on this blog that has the familiar "it's been so long since i've been on here" post. i'll spare the predictable promise to post every day. yes, instead, i'm just here when time allows to share (mainly for myself) the musings in my head about the little adventures that my life has been fortunate to be apart of.

recently, i've discovered something quite sad about myself. in recent conversations with my husband about our dreams and goals for year two of marriage, it became so tragically clear that i may have lost my sense of self somewhere within the last 11 months. in the midst of a wonderful & challenging first year of marriage, in the excitement of bringing our baby girl into this world and in the chaos of moving shortly after her birth, i realized that i have been watching other people live their lives instead of actively and intentionally living my own.

paralyzed is what i've allowed myself to become. instead of being inspired by pinterest to create, i pin and "save for later". instead of taking pictures to upload to instagram, i waste time browsing pictures of others living their lives. instead of blogging, i read blogs. instead of creating conversations with people, i sit by and wait for someone else to initiate them. instead of going outside and enjoying the beauty of God's creation, i sit inside and "wander the great indoors". a voice in my head is continuously telling me that "i can't" or "i will never" so instead i just sit.

my hope is to return. to return to this beautiful life that God has so graciously given me. he has given me some of the best gifts in life. i don't want to sit here and let life pass me by while i sit on the sidelines. he has called me to chase dreams. he calls me to create and be inspired.

so, yes, i'm back. but i'm back with a more intentional and deeper purpose than perhaps a ton of my old posts. i hope to find inspiration again; that i find my drive to create; that i stop hiding behind fear that keeps me from living.

so, hello again.